I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
