oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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