I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A bitchslap is in order.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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