you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize