and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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