Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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