So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
