Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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