did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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