dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
