So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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