if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
