you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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