"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
