yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize