??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
