dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
