OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
