she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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