Define "chronic" masturbator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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