thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
