it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
