dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
