hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
