NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
