Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize