I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I want is dick and wine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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