Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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