My first STD was from a foam party
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He felt like a one man threesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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