Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
