So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
try to milk me bitch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
