hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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