Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
