Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You ruined the universe
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
