Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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