my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
