I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize