Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
