Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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