brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
