The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
