Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
