This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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