You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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