I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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