you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
