you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone signed my nipple.
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