Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The Olympian is in my bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
