just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
