No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
