Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
