I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
