I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
