So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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