I molested 6 butterflies tonight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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