apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
