Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl

Fav 15 1120 2776
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(352): View more from Florida

dude they were twins that means they were both only 17

Fav 36 5329 2040
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(813): View more from Florida

God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

Fav 13 6320 1465
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(937): View more from Ohio

There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

Fav 28 17228 1871
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(904): View more from Florida

I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

Fav 16 3718 1587
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(917): View more from New York City

you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

Fav 7 5024 1553
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(785): View more from Kansas

Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

Fav 4 1777 1028
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(763): View more from Minnesota

All I need is to get out and get laid

(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for

Fav 0 129 33
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(404): View more from Georgia

I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy

Fav 0 91 10
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