Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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