I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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