remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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