We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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