Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
