he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
