You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
