So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
