Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
