totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
