would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
