i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
