I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
