he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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